


7k Ship Week

by PaperxPens



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: 7K Ship Week 2021 (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), F/F, Gen, Lots of pining and unrequited love, Melting Point - Freeform, One Shot, no communication we pine like lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperxPens/pseuds/PaperxPens
Summary: My submissions for 7k Ship Week hosted by @alistair_writes on Instagram and Tumblr!Along with on Instagram: @random_doodle_account @lil_alchemy_bb @the_soulmate_alchemists_auand Tumblr: @FiFieFoeFum @1-800-alchemy @alokiasaltwater
Relationships: Donella & Ulla (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Donella & Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Donella/Ulla (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. Just a Sprain

**Author's Note:**

> AN // This is part of a Modern Au I have with @coloring_the_banner on Instagram!! Taking place after Donella and Ulla make up in this universe  
> I'm not good at hurt/comfort, this is my least favorite thing I've written for the week

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

Ulla asked softly as Donella stood from the wheelchair and struggled slightly to get the crutches into place. Her friend had been insistent that she was alright after slipping on a bottle cap and falling onto the tile floor of her tattoo parlor. Why the hell she called Ulla instead of the hospital was beyond her.

"I'm fine!"

Donella grumbled and muttered softly about how Ulla shouldn't worry about her. It was her own stupid fault, leave it up to Don to break her leg doing something absolutely stupid. Struggling to stabilize herself for a moment, she eventually made it up the three stairs to the home and sighed with relief. 

"That's not what the doctors said."

She had just finished folding up the wheelchair and carried it up with her to her house. Once again Donella had insisted that she was alright but didn't seem to put up much of a fight when Ulla dragged, not dragged more like forcefully took control of the wheelchair, and brought her to her car. "Trust me Donnie, you need someone to take care of you until you can walk again."

Ignoring the gagging from her friend, Ulla unlocked the door and held it open as Donella stubbornly made her way inside.

“Hey! Don’t get like that. You’re going to like it, I’m telling you.”

“And how would you know that?”   
Donella would have liked to go up to the guest bedroom, which was always made for when she decided to sleep over, but that was up another flight of stairs and three stairs were already too many for her taste. Instead, the woman made her way to the couch and sat down with a soft groan, propping up her right leg on the armrest and letting the crutches fall to the floor as she laid back across the cushions. Her green eyes followed Ulla across the room as she walked over and bent down so far that their noses nearly brushed. Was it stupid that Donella held her breath each time she got this close?

“Because you’re with me.”

Blue eyes squinted slightly as Ulla smiled and watched as Donella rolled her eyes and turned away from her.

“You’re so sweet,” 

She mused sarcastically and rubbed her face with her hand while her other pushed Ulla away by her cheek. Her fingers lingered for the slightest moment before dropping back down onto the couch. Ulla was giggling and Donella was darting her gaze to the side to watch the way her face lit up and how the corners of her eyes crinkled, and how her lips parted and pulled up. She really was the light of her life, and she was there to stay now. And Donella would never have to worry about feeling so empty and lost and alone ever again, because she was there.

“Hey, Donnie. You okay?” 

Donella didn’t realize she had spaced out until Ulla was leaned over and tilted her head to the side to make eye contact with her from where she was laying. Heat rushed to her cheeks and she cleared her throat before nodding and sitting up. Was she being delusional or did Ulla actually look concerned for a moment?

“Relax, I broke my leg. I’m not gonna die.”

Ulla gently nudged her shoulder and scoffed.

“Don’t say that!”

She snapped in a way that was a little more passionate than her usual jokes. Donella blinked in surprise and glanced at her friend before holding out her arms.

“Okay, come here.”   
“Wh-why?”   
Ulla replied with a huff and turned away so that Donella couldn’t see the red in her cheeks and wetness in her eyes. But Donella was always much too observant for her.

“Because you’re upset about something.”

Her tone grew stern as she gently tugged on Ulla’s sleeve with her hand.

“So? You’re always upset. Why does it matter?”   
“Because you’re not.”

Ulla sighed softly and turned around, wiping at her eyes before she sunk into Donella’s arms effortlessly. It felt right, felt perfect the way she fit inside her arms with her head buried in the crook of her neck and arms wrapped around her torso. It felt like it was meant to be, that they were made for each other. Donella’s hand gently combed through her hair. That was the thing about Don, she always knew just when to speak and when to hold her tongue. She knew better than Ulla did anyway. Eventually, her racing heart slowed, and although the tears never fell her eyes grew dry. Her arms still clung to Donella tightly, and from the way her body reacted to the embrace, Ulla could tell that she didn’t mind.

“You mind telling me what’s up?”   
Donella’s lips mumbled into the top of Ulla’s head as she eventually nodded and pulled away. Her hand reached up and rested on the other’s cheek, her scarred cheek. And to her surprise, Donella didn’t pull away and instead gently leaned her face into the touch.

“It’s just- I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“Well, I can tell,” She pet the back of Ulla’s head in a manner that told her Donella was only teasing her. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?”

Her blue eyes looked away but eventually nodded, even Ulla knew of her irrationality at this moment but she couldn’t prevent herself from feeling. For once maybe she wanted to be like Donella, so calm and collected all the time. But so sad.

“It reminds me of the accident.”

She eventually mumbled out and expected Donella to hate her, to think of her as selfish. How dare she take Donella’s injury and- and act as it affected her in any way. She wasn’t the one scarred, she wasn’t the one hurt, she wasn’t the one allowed to feel this way. But then Donella’s hand was turning her chin back so that their eyes could meet, and her thumb gently traced along Ulla’s cheekbone.

“Hey, I’m fine.” Her voice had a small laugh to it as Donella grinned and pulled Ulla closer. “And now I have you to take care of me.”

“But you didn’t then, and it was all my fault.”

She replied and laced their fingers together quickly, leaning into Donella’s shoulder and pulling her legs onto the couch. Donella snorted at her and nudged her shoulder more forcefully.

“Don’t say that. I was the one who stormed off. Besides, aren’t you the one who always says to live in the moment?”

“Yeah but-”

Donella’s finger pressed to her lips and silenced her rather abruptly. “No buts. You’re here taking care of me now and that’s all I care about.”

“You don’t mind that I’m taking care of you?”

She grinned and her tone bordered on shocked and teasing, Donella glanced away and rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand before begrudgingly nodding.

“Fine! Maybe I don’t mind. But only because you’re my best friend.”

Ulla’s grin widened and she sat up a little straighter and pushed herself a little closer to Donella’s face. Donella held her breath for a moment before her hand found Ulla’s waist and her body gently leaned in. She paused just as Ulla had closed her eyes, watching as they opened again in confusion.

“You mind carrying me up the stairs?”


	2. For a Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU Donella and Ulla go to prom. Ulla with Quirin and Donella dateless and pining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //no communication we pine like lesbians

A sharp knock at the door.

“Ulla? Will you just come out now and show me the dress? We don’t have all day!” Donella called and glanced at her phone. When Ulla had asked if she was going to prom all those months ago Donella had firmly replied with a snort and snarky remark. Maybe that was to hide the twisting feeling in her gut at the thought of being dateless. Not that dates mattered, not that she wanted to go with any of those stupid high school boys anyway. Not with those boys. But she knew Ulla would be going with Quirin, and she’d be reduced to a third wheel at best, most likely a wallflower while the two of them danced. A matched set with a useless extra piece. No one needed an extra piece.

They didn’t need her, Ulla didn’t need her.

However, much to her surprise, she was then urged to come. Begged to come when Donella was assuming she was saving Ulla the awkwardness of having to let her down gently. Ulla asked her to come- she wanted her to come. And for a moment maybe Donella could convince herself that Ulla wanted her. That this was the start of something more. But it never really was.

Dress shopping was done in tandem, though while Donella gave her scathing opinions on the clothing she wasn’t told which Ulla was going to purchase. She on the other hand bought whichever one Ulla seemed to be infatuated by when she stepped out of the dressing room. A dark green party dress with silver rhinestones along the waist and a little diamond cut out at the chest. It was a nice dress, paired with a black leather jacket and combat boots and she was good to go. Dressed up but not too much, not like she actually cared.

“Just give me a second, Donnie! The zipper is hard!” Her voice came out in a little whine and Donella felt the corners of her lips tug upwards, fingers curled ever so slightly, her heart rate picked up. Pressing her hand against the door, her smile fell and a heavy sigh left those lips. 

For a second she allowed her mind to wander, to put a blanket over the truth and rewrite this story. 

Ulla was dressing up to skip prom with her. To go get ice cream and climb up to the roof of her beat-up car and chart the stars. And when she got chilly Donella would wordlessly drape her jacket over Ulla’s shoulders. And her head would fit perfectly in the crook of her neck on that warm spring evening. And in that moment when everything was exactly as she wished it would be, those three words would leave her lips. They would finally be spoken, and she would be happy. But that was nothing more than blissful naive thinking, but that was nothing more than a dream.

She blinked and it was gone. “Okay! I’m done!” The same voice that lulled her into her delusions pulled her back into reality. This reality. Donella took a step back, step back into the shadows, step back into her place.

“Well you gonna show me or are we just go-” Her voice caught in her throat as the door swung open and outstepped Ulla. She looked different, teal A-line dress that hit just above the knee with golden floral designs that looked as if they were drawn from calligraphy along the skirt. Her hair was curled and pinned back, messy but not the kind of messy that would incite Donella to hold her down and brush out the style. No- she looked, she looked straight out of a fairytale.

“Wow, you look-” Donella cleared her throat, were her cheeks heating up? Did- was Ulla wearing makeup? Her eyes blinked, blinked away the illusions, blinked away her longing. She wanted this- wanted her so badly. More than she wanted the presidency of the science club, more than she wanted any of the robotics awards she had won. She wanted her so badly. But this? She was dressed up for Quirin, and Ulla didn’t want her, not how Donella did in return anyway.

“Stupid?” Ulla finished with a small half smile and walked closer. She was getting closer, Donella’s breath caught in her throat. An awkward laugh.

“Well yeah, but the dress helps.” Hide it. She swallowed hard, bit back the words, those three words. “I thought we said no makeup.”

Ulla flushed and shrugged. “I don’t know I was feeling,” Her words died off and she moved her hand in that back and forth iffy manner. “Why? Does it look bad?”

“What? No of course not! It looks great! Y-you look- you look great.” Donella stammered out and quickly put a hand on Ulla’s shoulder. “Seriously, pretty boy is going to lose what little of his mind he has left when he sees you.” A forced smile that didn’t meet her eyes. Ulla’s hand wrapped around her wrist as she laughed. That laugh that made Donella’s stomach somersault as she was dragged into her friend’s room.

“Just for that, I’m going to do your makeup.” She was shoved down in the chair and winced at the lights of the vanity. Donella wrinkled her nose.

“That seems like a cruel and unusual punishment for one backhanded comment.” Starting to stand, she felt Ulla’s fingers against her arms and looked up. Those large blue eyes stared back at her, so blue that they reminded her of the sky and the ocean and blue butterflies and sweet summer days and nights spent half awake but laughing to the point of stomachaches, and buttery popcorn, and memories, all the memories.

“Please Donnie? Please?” She whined again and drew out the last e of that final plea. Donella gulped, she rolled her eyes.    
  
“Fine fine! Just nothing too flashy, and no foundation. You’re too dark for me anyway.” Ulla jumped with excitement and pumped her fist in the air triumphantly. Strangely, in this moment before her eventual dread, Donella grinned. She made her jump with excitement.

“It’s not dark, Donnie, it’s tan. Maybe it’s because I don’t hole myself up all day in the house.” Ulla’s arms leaned against the back of her shoulders, her fingers walked their way down Donella’s arm and left tingly shivers in their wake. Her hand grabbed Donella’s from her lap. On instinct Donella tightened her grip and squeezed, only to feel pressure back. Was this it? Was this the moment? But then it was gone and Ulla was grabbing at some sort of container and brush.

“Well maybe that’s why I’m head of the Science Bowl team and you’re not.” She teased back only to be punched lightly in the arm. Ulla stuck her tongue out and Donella made a face right back. Two laughs filled the air, and this felt right. It felt so right.

“Donnie stop twitching!”   
  
“Well how can I when you’re stabbing my eye!” She was so close, so close that if Donella opened her eyes she’d be staring right into hers and only hers. If she leaned forward- maybe if she trip- no. Ulla didn't want her, and she’d respect her decision. It was for the best anyway.

“Don it’s just eyeliner.” Donella huffed and pouted but stopped squirming and did her best to will her eye to stop fighting it. Just a few more seconds of this in exchange for Ulla’s smile. She’d give anything for that smile.

“There!” Her eyes flew open and for a moment Ulla was right in front of her, and they were so close, and if she just leaned forward- and then it was gone. “Take a look!”

  
That wide grin, gloss making her lips look even softer than they probably were. Donella tilted her head to the side slightly. “You look good.” She mumbled without even thinking about it.   
  
Ulla scoffed. “Not at me, dummy! At yourself!” Suddenly the chair she was sitting in was spun around, and those bright lights were once again blinding. Donella blinked and squinted from the shock but also in fear. That familiar nervous knot formed in her gut. While she never considered herself ugly she was well aware there was a reason Ulla always had the boys and girls circling her. Why they would try and talk to Donella first, asking about what her friend enjoyed. She was their way of getting closer to Ulla, she was the girl no one understood why Ulla hung around. Everything centered around Ulla, and no it wasn’t all about looks but it was a lot about looks.

What if when she opened her eyes she was reminded of yet another reason Ulla was way out of her league? So so far out of her league that Donella wouldn’t have been able to see her. So so far. Fearfully, Donella let her eyes open. She blinked.

“Woah.” The phrase left her lips before she could even think about them. The look was subtle but- her hand lifted and cautiously touched her face, gently to not smudge anything, gently like she was afraid when her fingers met her cheek everything would face away into nothingness and this would have all been an illusion. “I look- actually pretty.”

A light airy chuckle, her lips pulled up into a watery smile. She felt actually pretty, for the first time she felt- “You were always pretty.” Ulla leaned softly against her and Donella rested her temple against her arm. “Do- are you crying?” Donella sniffed and shook her head. 

“N-no! Of course not I’m just- I think you got eyeliner in my eye.” Ulla sat down and grabbed a tissue, turning Donella’s face towards her and gently dabbing at her eyes to avoid ruining her makeup. Donella leaned into the hand holding her cheek. Maybe she could pretend for just one night, live in a dream for just one night.

Sitting in the back seat of Quirin’s pick-up, Donella watched the side of Ulla’s face as her friend sang along to the music and smiled so wide the corners of her eyes crinkled. She was utterly enchanting. Humming along quietly, she imagined what it would be like to be in Quirin’s place. What it would feel like to have Ulla’s hand on her forearm while she drove, and to have her look at her like that. The way Donella stared at her.

But then her eyes drifted to the corsage around her wrist, the one that she didn’t buy, the one that she would have bought if Ulla had asked her to Prom, well she would have bought one better, one that was able to capture all the words she struggled to say starting with those three. She would have bought one that said everything she wanted to say in more, all in Victorian flower language for that matter. 

And so she sat, and in her mind swirled the image of the one she would have bought if she wasn’t so terrible and terrified to ask Ulla out for once. Maybe this was for the better. Donella knew, she knew that she didn’t deserve this- this perfect fantasy she was creating. Because in that fantasy everything was perfect, which meant that Ulla didn’t change but she did. She had to change. Ulla deserved better, and she couldn’t be that better. She couldn’t be more, couldn’t be enough. So this delusion? This want she had? It just couldn’t be.

The prom lights were too bright, Donella blinked and stiffened the second they walked in. Ulla’s hand squeezed hers and she took in a breath, moving to intertwine their fingers. But then she was gone as Quirin spotted some of his friends from the football team. There was a moment when their fingers were still touching as Ulla was pulled away, she had tugged on Donella- but Donella let go. She let her go. Giving her a forced smile, she waved and motioned over to the table with the refreshments. Ah yes- go be a wallflower while Ulla and Quirin were that perfect pair. Go be that extra piece. It’s not like she didn't know this would happen.

Focus

The loud music was giving her a headache. Focus on the fizzing of soda being poured into a paper cup. Donella lifted it to her lips, having requested that Ulla use a lip stain so that she could eat in peace. She grabbed a cookie as well before finding a comfortable place by the bleachers and leaning back. This was how things should be, this was reality.

A few hours past, her eyes trained on Ulla the entire time despite the voice in her head advising her to look away. To text her that she felt tired and was going to catch an Uber home. For once Donella ignored her better judgement and she stayed, she wanted to stay for her. Even if she was just in the background, even if Quirin would always be her first choice, even if she would never be an option.

Hey, it was a good night, not a completely throw away. Maybe Donella hated to admit it but she enjoyed those few moments getting ready, being ‘girly’ for lack of a better word. And maybe she would admit that she liked feeling pretty, genuinely pretty even if it was just for herself. Those few moments of true contentment were worth however long this hellscape of a dance lasted. The DJ spoke into the microphone.   
  
“Alright folks grab your partners because it’s time for the slow songs.” She sighed and glanced around, throwing away her cupcake wrapper and heading towards the bathroom when-

“Donnie!” She paused, what was that feeling that made her heart flutter and legs freeze? Was it hope? Donella knew better than to rely on hope but- but it was so nice to have something to rely on for once. Even if it was as unreliable as hope.

“Yeah?” Did Ulla need her to hold something? That was more realistic though she still turned around, brushing her gray hair over her shoulder. “You need somethin?”

“Yeah I do.” There it was, she pushed back her expectations and held out her hand. Only for Ulla to grab it and start dragging her away. 

“What are you doing?” She asked though Donella wasn’t protesting. She didn’t even resist when she found herself on the dancefloor, the most feared place for any wall flower.

“Oh how rude of me!” Ulla replied and gave her that little grin that always made her heart flutter. “May I have this dance?” She dropped into a low curtsy and looked up at Don. “Too much?”   
  
“Way too much.” Donella replied but dropped as well before straightening and tucking one hand behind her back, the other reaching out. “But you may.” Of course she could, she could have a thousand dances for all Donella cared.

The song flew by in a blur, the people she accidentally bumped into were nothing more than passing faces. All that mattered was the feeling of Ulla’s hands behind her neck, how her own hands found themselves at her waist and everything felt right- and she felt happy. She felt so genuinely happy, and pretty, and right. 

And this maybe wasn’t the perfect night she thought of in her fantasy but that didn’t matter. Because it wasn’t the stars or the location that made it perfect, it was her. It was always her. And now it seemed like for the first time that perfect moment arrived.

Donella opened her mouth. And then it was gone.

The song ended, Ulla laughed and pulled Donella down into a fierce hug before she could even squeeze out the first syllable. How could she have hesitated? She had practiced that phrase, three simple words, so many times. How could she?

“Aah! Thanks for that best friends’ dance, Donnie!” Friends. They were just friends. She was lucky to even have that title. She should be grateful, she was grateful. Donella smiled and hugged her with the same fierceness. “I love you!”   
  
Her breath caught in her throat, Donella’s eyes widened. Did she- did she hear that correctly? She blinked. Pulling away, her gaze was wide, green eyes staring into blue as they looked up at her. Was this actually? “I- I love you too.”

She breathed out, but even then she could hear the difference in their tones. How her lips were stumbling and unfamiliar with the words, how she was saying those three words as if they were a sacred secret meant only for Ulla’s ears and hers alone. And Ulla? She was saying those words like they were a compliment, a passing kind gesture. And just like that she knew.

Then Ulla was gone. Donella sighed and drifted back over to the wall, rubbing at her forearm as she grabbed whatever sort of sweet was left. Powdered mini doughnut? That would do. Turning around as the second slow song came on, and then the third and so forth, she watched Ulla dance with a few of her closest friends. And she looked the same way she did when she danced with Donella. How could she have been so stupid to think for a moment that- that she was worth looking at in any other way? That she was what? Special?

Then, the final song of the night. And who did Ulla choose? Her date of course, the one she always chose. Maybe that was for the best. Watching the two slowly spin across the dance floor, Donella bit back her emotions whatever they may be. She didn’t want to name them, what a mix of shame, guilt, sadness, yearning? Pathetic. Because they looked happy, and Ulla- well she looked beautiful when she was happy. Maybe that was why Donella wasn’t.

And as she watched, she stared and read her lips as Ulla uttered those three words. Those three same words.

She told Donella she loved her, but when she turned and said it to him it meant something completely different


	3. It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donella and Quirin talk about this past and future after the events of 7k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN// This isn't DonellaxQuirin content I'm just making that clear because no-

Two weeks after the events of the Eternal Library, Donella wasn’t sure exactly why she was still in Corona. Perhaps it was recovery, the recovery process she needed to take from the battle. Could she even call it a battle when all she did was stand behind a forcefield and beg Ulla to not make yet another mistake? Knowing her, if she really wanted to leave she would have gone or died trying. No, she wanted to stay, she wanted to hope that maybe some unfinished business could be cleared up. Over a decade of unfinished business. And that note taped to her door was her invitation to make amends or settle the score.

Sitting in the coffee shop, she glared as the shopkeeper attempted to walk over as she had done with many of her patrons, asking if they needed something and occasionally about the drinks. Coronans, they were so disgustingly hospitable. Living here all those years ago drove her half way to insanity. Maybe that was why she fit in so well in the Iron Kingdom. Looking up as the man entered, she straightened her hunched posture. Brown eyes met hers, a stand off between the two wasn’t exactly uncommon. It was actually slightly comforting for old times sake.

“Donella.” The man spoke as he walked over and held out a hand for her to shake. Hesitantly, she accepted it and the stiff handshake that followed. Quirin sat down.

“Knight boy.” She muttered and noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed. Some things never changed.

“I uh- I hope you’re doing well. It’s been a while.” Strained words of politeness left his lips, Donella scoffed. Quirin, always the one to extend a gratuitous hand, metaphorically or physically.

“Cut the formalities, Quirin. What did you want to discuss? Your note was vague like always.” Just one blink and she wasn’t in the coffee shop anymore. She was sitting in the Dark Kingdom, Ulla’s room, helping her decipher what her illiterate boyfriend was trying to tell her on scraps of parchment, helping her step farther and farther away.

The man fidgeted with his shirt collar before his shoulders sagged and the tension he was holding lessened. A small smile tugged at his lips, maybe he missed this just a little bit. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Donella blinked. Screams echoed in her ears, her screams. ‘No! Don’t go Ulla- not yet, please! I can’t lose you again!’ She took in a strained breath, ‘I still love you!’, and cleared her throat. Her eyes hardened. “Of course I’m okay, I’m perfectly fine!” her tone was defensive, snappy, but softened rather quickly. Shoulders hunched over and her hands clutched the hot ceramic mug. “I’m- I’m sorry but I’m okay.”

She noticed the way Quirin’s face shifted, all these years and she could still read him like a book. “Well, out with it. No point in holding back now.”

“Okay, well,” His eyes darted away before meeting hers again. Hesitant. How did this man ever become a knight? “I’ll just come out and say it then. You loved her, didn’t you?”

The air between them froze like that, for a moment Donella’s facade dropped and all that was left on her face was abject horror, shock, maybe even sadness? “I-” She sputtered out and cleared her throat. Stay calm, stay calm. There was no malice in Quirin’s eyes, no jealousy. “Who told you?”

That sad smile. Donella was never sure how Ulla was able to deal with this man. “Varian briefly mentioned it but,” he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, “I always knew. From the first second we met in the Dark Kingdom. I- I always knew.”

Her body stiffened, she looked away, shrank into herself. “Didn’t peg you for the observant type, actually the opposite.” She muttered, bitterness acting as a defense. “It doesn’t matter now. She’s dead.”

Quirin rested both his hands on the table and leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of Donella’s eyes. Ulla always said Donella revealed what she was truly feeling there, but when Quirin looked all he saw was that hardness- that wall of anger ever present. He couldn’t see her like Ulla did. “But you’re alive.” Empathy, he had been working on that with Varian, learning from his son. “And take it from me, I’ve had to live like that too. She’s dead but we’re the ones who have to keep living.”

A sharp breath in, her eyes icy as she glared daggers at the man. How dare he question her like this. In the middle of a coffee shop like it was some ordinary conversation. “Now I see where your son gets it from.” Her words were a careful growl, controlled and restrained.

“You know, I actually learned from him. He’s more articulate than me.”   
Donella snorted. “So’s a well trained parrot. What’s your point? I’m okay because-” She glanced away and her voice died down. “The part of me that cares died with her.”   
“Donella-”

“No!” She snapped, her voice rising quickly as she stood but she made no attempt to stop it. “You don’t understand, Quirin! Don’t act like you understand!” A fist slammed down on the table, the two mugs made a clattering noise and the brown liquid inside sloshed but didn’t spill. Quirin nodded quietly but for some reason that incensed her more. “She always had a choice to make. You or Hector or Adira, boys lined the streets to ask her out to school dances.” Her voice was breaking, cracking at that volume. What was next? Tears, she bit them back and sat down. “And for me I never had to choose because she was the only choice! The only choice! But to her I was never even an option. So don’t act like you understand when she chose you!”

The shop owner came over. A whispered discussion with Quirin but Donella knew what it was about when Quirin cheerfully suggested they move outside. Oh- she knew.

“I’m sorry I got us kicked out.” She muttered and took a sip of her mug as they sat down on the wooden stools. Quirin shrugged. He was as mellow as always.

“I’m sorry too.” He eventually said, no mocking tint in his tone.

Scoffing, Donella would have prefered it if he was angry. He had every right to. But from the way he was looking at her, she just knew he wasn’t going to let her brush off that incident. Might as well bite the bullet. “Remember how we used to bicker? I- I guess I thought it was a game. How we’d fight, did you know it was over her?”

“I had a feeling.”

A soft cynical grimace formed at her lips. “After all those years I never thought I’d lose. But there you were, her knight in shining armor.” Her arms crossed and she looked away. “Everything I wasn’t.” She itched at her eye to disguise herself wiping at tears. 

Quirin saw right through it, Varian did something similar. He kept quiet. Something told him that Donella hadn’t had someone listen to her in a very long time. Ulla always insisted she was chatty when given a chance.

“So she chose you. And she loved you. And now she’s gone.” Her sad eyes lifted. Sad. That wall was gone, and Ulla was right like always. Donella was devastated. “It’s over, but I still can’t move on.”

A barely whispered voice followed by a shake. Her shoulders trembled, she ducked her head away and wiped at her face furiously. Get back behind those walls. 

“Donella-“ Quirin reached a hand over but Donella slapped it away.

“Don’t touch me!” He obliged, letting his hand rest on the table top instead of her shoulder. For once, Quirin observed his former- well they weren’t friends. Watched as she took a calming breath and closed her eyes, and when she opened them those walls were back and her mask was on. The process was so similar to how he’d go through the days, what he did before speaking to the King. Hiding. Lying. Pretending. Donella cleared her throat.

“Tell me, Knight boy, have you moved on?”

“Hm?” Quirin blinked in surprise. Just like that she had recovered. “What do you mean?”

“Have you,” Donella spoke through gritted teeth, her eyes locked on her hands in her lap, “moved on?”

Now it was Quirin’s turn to look uncomfortable. But, for old times sake, he spoke. “Well every night I used to think about her. Every night. Every time I’d look into Varians eyes I’d see her, so I didn’t look. It was like I couldn’t breathe, and- every day I was scared for him. I blamed alchemy, and I blamed you,” 

Donella nodded curtly, that was to be expected, “and I blamed myself.” 

Her expression shifted but before she could say anything Quirin kept speaking, he perked up. “But now. When I think about alchemy I think about my son, and how proud I am. And when I look into his eyes I see him.” The man smiled softly to himself. “So yes, I guess I have moved on.”

A heavy silence fell between the two, decades worth of words unsaid lingered in the air but they didn’t matter now. They wouldn’t change anything. Donella stood quietly. “I’m glad, Knight boy. Thank you.” 

Walking over to him she patted his shoulder. Quirin looked up. ”I may not know what she saw in you but it must have been something good. You deserve to move on. I’m glad you're happy.”

For the first time since he had met her, he saw Donella smile. A soft and sad smile that was seconds away from dissolving into sobs, but a smile. “What about you? Don’t you deserve it too?”

Her hand pulled away from him, she started to walk away. Quirin assumed that was the end of their conversation, perhaps the end to their relationship. But then she spoke.

“There’s a reason you won. Haven’t figured it out yet but there’s a reason she chose you.” Her voice choked up as her pace quickened. And just like that she was gone.

  
  
  



	4. White Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every lie creates a new scar

A small paperlike cut on the tip of a finger meant telling a friend their dress was nice to spare their feelings. The wound would heal over and scar no matter what, a marking of the fib. But white lies, small little lies, were common. White lines, white lies, adorn the tips of everyone’s fingers. Perhaps sometimes a lie would go deeper. Calling in sick usually lead to a large gash across the palm or back of the hand. Infidelity slashed up the shoulders for some. The worst the lie, the more noticeable and deeper the markings. Eventually, some scars faded, all wounds healed with time as the lie itself and its impact were lost further and further into the past.

The first time his hand had slipped into a woman’s dress pocket and retrieved the pouch of coins his eyebrow started to bleed. A slash across the bone just above his eye. Maybe it would have faded, becoming unnoticeable, maybe if he didn’t value his life over looks. The swiping of bread from a stand left a small trail of blood dripping down, flowing past his eye and towards his chin, pointing the police in the wrong direction left him with a slightly larger gash until that characteristic slit scarred over again and again. Until the area was bare and carved a distinctive line through his eyebrow. Hugo didn’t care- it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen worse scars. Scars on the necks of the Iron Kingdom upper class from all the times they lied and clawed their way for more power, sometimes they had a nasty open wound across their nose with a bandage and Hugo wondered what poor sucker they cheated this time. His eyebrow slit was nothing compared to them, he was merely attempting to survive.

Scampering away through the crowded streets, Hugo clutched at the bag of coins he had swiped from that older lady. She could live without it, she was well dressed, successful. She could live. Stopping in the alleyway he deemed home, Hugo wiped at his eyebrow and smeared the blood back across his face and temple. He settled down when-

The scrape of a boot against the gravel. The boy spun around- Demanitus. What had this woman done to earn scars like that? His eyes were as round as those fancy saucers he would see in upperclass shops. Scars on the face and not only that, large raised scars still pink and fresh. A lie- a grave grave lie told over and over again. Hugo’s stomach churned, who would be capable of lying to someone like that? Who was she so keen on tricking? On hurting? 

The woman wordlessly knelt down, she held out her hand. Hugo stared, white lies. They would have been so normal, so insignificant- even the slightly large ones on her palm. He couldn’t look up, green eyes trained down as he placed the bag of coins into her grasp. Her fingers closed around them, the woman stood. Great- another cut for nothing.

“Where’s your family, kid?” He looked up at the voice, the woman had turned away. Did she speak to everyone like this to hide her face?

“Don’t got one.” Hugo muttered, waiting for her to leave. No one wanted to speak to a child on the streets, a thief. No one wanted him, that wasn’t a lie. To his surprise, the woman turned around, piercing green eyes looked him up and down though he could only stare at her scars. Was she used to this? She had to be. Did she care? Anyone capable of- of that shouldn’t care.

“How would you like to come home with me? I’ll provide you room and board if you agree to run errands for me” His eyes locked on her cheek, hesitating as she spoke. He waited for the bleeding to start. Was this how she lied? To lure unsuspecting children away so she could- but no blood ever came. Cautiously, he nodded. What did he have to lose?

The woman, Donella as she had said, was solemn. Quiet. She barely spoke more than a few words to him at a time the entire trip home. Well, to her home. Hugo wasn’t exactly sure what he could call it. A man with a scar across his eye, Hugo should have known liars could only associate with other liars. Was that why she was drawn to him? His hand touched his eyebrow. He was nothing like her, he stole to survive, he lied to survive. She was well off from looking at her lab, so why?

They spoke in hushed voices too quickly for him to understand. Hugo’s eyes focused on their scars, on her scars. No bleeding yet.

The woman took him by the hand, his tiny fingers ran along her’s, feeling over the bumps of secrets and half-truths. Questions swirled through his mind. What and why did she have to hide? 

Sleep didn’t come easy, it usually didn’t. Donella had so tenderly patched up his cut a few moments before bed, stating that covering it made the scars not as noticeable when they healed. Hugo wondered if she learned that from herself? And if so why didn’t she use it on herself? Or maybe she did and they were simply too terrible for the bandages to have any sort of impact. Part of him wanted to lean into her touch, the other wondered what else her hands were capable of. Who else did he know to have scars like those? A shiver ran up his spine.

He rubbed at the cotton taped over his eyebrow, turning over in the bed much too large for him. His thoughts left him restless, he wanted to understand. She had everything she needed to survive, to live. Why did she have to lie? Did part of her enjoy it like he had? But he told white lies, hers? They were deep enough and large enough to devastate someone. Why did she want to do that over and over again? Who deserved to be in that much pain?

His bare feet met the floor. She had so casually told Hugo that tomorrow they’d go out and buy him some more clothes. She said it so casually, money wasn’t a concern. Was she like one of those Iron Kingdom elites? The ones who still slipped into criminal ways when they themselves had no need to? Just because they wanted to, because they liked power. Was she one of them? The stone was cold, but Hugo was never afraid of the chill. He couldn’t be. Creeping towards the door, he pawed at the handle, struggling for a moment on his toes before opening it. Strange, the lights were on. It was late.

The pounding of his heart in his chest made his ears heat up. Backroom dealings, killings, torture flooded his thoughts. An unspeakable lie, an action so far from the truth that all it caused was hurt and pain. Not a white lie, far from a white lie. He stared down at his own fingertips, nothing like hers. He was nothing like her.

Silent footsteps as he made his way down the hall, keeping an eye out for a pebble or maybe something else on the floor that would give away his location. Nothing, Donella kept this place spotless.

He pressed against the corner to the main lab, hearing a voice. Her voice, though muttered and soft. Peering around, he saw the woman in the dim candlelight. A figure hunched over a desk, shoulder shaking as her hands clutched at a faint picture, so small that Hugo couldn’t make it out. He held his breath to hear quiet mutterings.

“I hate you, I hate you! I don’t need you! I’ve- I’ve moved on.” 

And then he saw the bleeding.


	5. All Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Donella begs Ulla to possess her instead of Varian, resulting in some unexpected discoveries

Her fists slammed into the air, against the forcefield that prevented her from advancing further. That kept her away from the battle, away from Hugo and Varian and all the hurt that she caused. Donella hit the phantom wall again even though it was no use. Hoping that it would do something, anything. She gritted her teeth and looked away, down at the ground because she couldn’t- she just couldn’t witness someone’s soul being sucked from their body. 

“This is all your fault.” Her voice a bare whisper as she chastised herself. If only she hadn’t let Varian succeed, if only she had been able to save Ulla all those years ago, if only she didn’t love her as much as she did. 

Her head lifted at the sound of a scream, Hugo. His voice was filled with so much agony, so much pain. Donella could remember a similar sound coming from the Library decades earlier. And maybe she couldn’t stop Ulla’s pain or her own but she could stop this one. Maybe.

“Ulla!” It felt strange to say her name again after all this time, though the woman did stop. That power-crazed look in her eyes too terribly familiar as Donella took a small step back. That look- she tried to stop her voice from quivering. “Stop! Let them go-“

A laugh, that sickeningly off laugh. “Now why would I do that, Donnie?” She cooed teasingly and Donella felt her jaw clenched. The scarred skin on her cheek burned.

“Do they mean nothing to you?” This wasn't what she was planning on saying but the words slipped out. “You-your son! He means nothing?” Did she mean nothing to Ulla too?

Somehow, her words must have reached as Varian was slowly lowered to the ground into Hugo’s arms. Donella watched as the boy held the unconscious child. She looked into Ulla’s eyes, that mad glow fading- no, flickering before gaining strength again. A blue glow surrounded Varian. There was no stopping her, unless-

“Wait! Take me instead!” Her hands pressed against the glass, green eyes held their stare as Ulla looked her way. For so many years she longed to see her again, but not like this. “I’m the reason you’re trapped here, I should be the reason you escape. Just please, don’t do something you’ll regret.”

Her voice broke but as much as she wanted to turn away, Donella held her ground. Until Hugo’s voice broke the silence. “What? Donella no don’t-”   
“Hugo!” She snapped and forced her tone to hold that fierceness. Push him away, push them all away. There was a reason no one would miss her. “For once in your life can you just shut up!” Her fists clenched as the boy, quivering, closed his mouth. Ulla’s feet touched the ground once again but that look never vanished. She was too far gone, too far gone. Donella should have realized this years ago, should have ended it all years ago. But she was desperate, and too weak. Much too weak to say goodbye.

“Now here’s the problem, Donnie.” Ulla started as she got closer, so close that she was inches away. “You’re out there and I’m in here. So how am I supposed to-”   
“I thought after over fifteen years in here you would have at least gotten better at magic, enough to perform a simple countercurse.”

Again Ulla laughed, and this time it sounded almost like the old her, the real her. She sounded like the girl Donella just couldn’t let go, but only for a moment. “You always had such a quick tongue.” She hissed out. “I wonder if I will too.”

With a wave of her hand, Donella felt her palms start to push through the barrier. One faulty spell that kept Ulla locked in, One curse to keep Donella locked out. Stumbling forwards, her boots touched the brick of the Eternal Library for the first time since-

A blinding flash of blue light, a scream of pain. Donella couldn’t tell if it was her own or Hugo’s. Her eyes flashed with visions, some of Ulla’s contorted face, some of her own twisted with agony. Taking a step back felt as if she were pushing through water, as if some sort of invisible force was tugging at her tendons. A final squeezed breath left her lungs, she gasped for the words but nothing came.

Ulla blinked, looking down at her hands, her hands. Dammit. She clenched her fist and gritted her teeth. Should have known better than to trust Donella. Looking around for her son or that boy, someone, anyone with a body who didn’t know how to perform magic. Donella did something- she must have. Done something to keep her there because- Ulla shook her head. Because Donella was a traitor, and that’s what traitors did. Donella was a traitor.

Opening her eyes once again, she spun around in confusion. There was nothing, a void-like blackness, an inky darkness that didn’t have any floors or ceiling or walls. There was no library, there was nobody, there was nothing. A scream of frustration bellowed from her chest.   
“Was this your plan all along?!” Her voice was absorbed by the empty, no echo. “I thought we were friends! What did I ever do to you!” The kind of anguished cry that ripped at her throat and tore pieces of her heart out with the words. “I thought we were friends!”

They always told her to stay away from Donella, that she was trouble. But Ulla didn’t listen. She didn’t listen and look what happened. The woman fell to her knees. “I- I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything wrong.” She whispered softly. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Maybe that was a lie, maybe deep down she knew what she did- she knew exactly what her motivations were. Power. Maybe she knew, but she’d never admit it. She couldn’t admit it. She was supposed to be good.

A hazy voice, not her own, sounded from the darkness. Ulla looked up in that direction in confusion. Finding her way to her feet, she walked atop the invisible floor, the voice was too mumbled for her to make out, or was it muffled? Perhaps she rounded a corner, Ulla wasn’t sure. It was so easy to lose your way here, she wasn’t even sure where here was. Her eyes adjusted to the new light, squinting slightly before growing accustomed to it. It being a small square of brightness in the nothing. She got closer and saw- herself? No younger, much much younger. Looking closer, she watched as pale hands gently pulled the young Ulla’s fiery red hair into braids, moving with so much care that it was visible. She took a small step back, the realization hitting her. Here was- she was in Donella’s head. These were her memories.

“Dammit Ulla, Donella was right.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, something she had often seen Donella do. Maybe her mannerisms were rubbing off on her. “After all these years a possession spell should be nothing.”

Logically, sensibly she’d try and find her way out but that voice was calling again. Still muffled- mumbled? Quiet and unintelligible but there. And in impulsive Ulla fashion, she chased after it. The windows into the past became more frequent the further she ran. Their first sleepover, that time they won the science fair, graduation, moving out, it was all there and it was all her. Why weren’t there any visions of the first place ribbon they received? Just her smiling face and their hug? Why didn’t Donella seem to care about the graduation presents she received from her parents- just the journal Ulla gifted her and the journal she gave in return? One memory caught her eye, maybe because it was a prominent one for her as well.

“Quirin proposed!” Her own voice rang out, Ulla’s lips moved as she mumbled Donella’s words along with the memory.

“And what did you say?”   
“Yes of course!” They hugged and- and that was the end of the memory for Ulla at least as she walked out of the room and the door shut. But this wasn’t the end for Donella. The memory took a step back, sat down at the edge of the bed with an almost defeated movement. Donella, the Donella from the past, flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling of her Dark Kingdom room. The memory got blurry, Ulla wrinkled her nose and moved her hand through it. Her fingers passed right through like the surface was nothing.

“Hey! What gives?” Was this memory defective? She received her message when a gasping breath came from the flashback. The realization hit her, this memory wasn’t blurry, Donella’s vision was. Another noise, a choked sob. a hand covered her mouth to muffle the noise, she rolled over onto her side. Tears blurred the vision. Ulla blinked, she knew Donella hated Quirin but this much? Did she- did she not want her to be happy? As much as Ulla wanted to spin the story in that manner, as much as she wanted to hate Donella for not supporting her- she couldn’t.

“Is this the reason you didn’t come to my wedding?” She asked softly to no one, to the void. She assumed it was because the woman hated dressing up but- was it because she hated her husband enough to sob over it? No, there was more to this story. There was more to Donella but Ulla was starting to realize she didn’t know any of it. For once, Ulla didn’t allow herself to contort the narrative. Why couldn’t she hate her?

Carrying on, her chest felt heavy, tight. Was this what she was feeling or was this Donella? Pushing forward, moving on, she recognized more glimpses. For some reason- more blurred visions. Her wedding day, of course, a couple date nights with Quirin, Varian- her son. Donella bounced the child on her knee uncomfortably. Ulla had to squint for a moment before remembering that this was in fact a date night. Donella had offered to watch the baby. Varian cooed and reached up towards Donella’s face, Ulla’s heart melted. Her baby- he was her baby. Oh, Demanitus, what kind of mother was she? What kind of mother-

“You’re lucky you’re Ulla’s kid.” The memory stated, Ulla looked up and laughed as the child grabbed a fistful of Donella’s ever gray hair and tugged. “Ow! You are one lucky baby.”

Lifting the kid up, he babbled and squealed with delight, clapping his hands. “Don-Don!!”

Another laugh escaped Ulla’s lips. Why was this memory blurring? No- it wasn’t Donella’s it was her own eyes. Her lip trembled as the tears flowed down her cheek. “Oh Varian.” Her hand reached out and passed through the image of her son’s cheek, cupping his face. “I’m so sorry. I- what have I done?”

What had she done? Taking a stumbling step back, then another and another, eventually the woman turned and ran blindly towards the louder but still unclear voice. Running away- running away like always. She wiped at her eyes, somehow something told her to stop. Blinking, she lifted her face. Her eyes adjusted to the light of the memory. The campfire light, this was- her breath caught in her throat. This was their final night before the Eternal Library. Donella’s eyes shifted from the fire to the journal in her lap. Ulla half-smiled at the familiar writing on the pages. Then, the woman lifted her head, and there she was again. The campfire light bouncing off her face as she slept with her head rested against Donella’s shoulder. A hand, Donella’s hand, pet her head and stroked through her hair with the utmost care like she had when they were kids.

“Are you still awake?” There it was- this was the voice that had been calling out to her. The Ulla from the past made no movements. She watched as Donella’s shoulders relaxed. “Good. That means you won’t hear this.”

Was this intrusive? Maybe Ulla should have thought about that before she attempted to possess her best friend. Could she even call Donella her best friend anymore? Her thoughts quieted as Donella leaned back against the tree trunk and brought her knees to her chest.

“I thought this trip could change something. Or I knew it wouldn’t but I wanted it to. I was-” The woman faltered and rubbed her cheek in a fidgety manner. “I was being selfish and I hoped that you’d realize how different what we have is. Or what I want us to have.”

Ulla’s head tilted to the side in confusion. Was she implying-

“But you love him! He’s your knight in shining armor, isn’t he? And you have a family and you’re happy, and that’s all I really want for you.” Donella’s arms clasped atop her knees. “I just wish I was the person who could make you that happy. Maybe that’s why I took you here.”

A cynical laugh left Donella’s chest that turned into a scoff, then maybe a choked sob. “To show you that I can take care of you too. Better than he can- he doesn’t- he never understood alchemy or you the way I do. But I guess that doesn’t matter. Because you chose him, and I respect your choice. I- I love you. So I respect your choice.”

Why did that confession make Ulla’s stomach drop? Her heart sink? She gritted her teeth and found herself wishing that she had woken up. That she wasn’t such a heavy sleeper. That this had turned out differently.

“But don’t worry. After today, I’ll take you home and I won’t let myself feel this way anymore. Maybe I still will but I won’t. Not when I’m around you. I’ll always be around, choose you first even when you’ll never choose me. Because I don’t know if I can live without you. Even if living with you means being cast aside most of the time. Pathetic, right?” Her words were choked out through sobs now, shoulders shaking. “But I’m alright with that, because I love you.”

The memory stopped, then faded. “No-” Ulla breathed out and stumbled forward, reaching for it as it faded into nothingness. That emptiness. Why hadn’t she realized it all those years ago, why hadn’t she seen? If only- if only she wasn’t so blind. Images flooded back to her, Donella’s eyes, her expressions, her laugh. She was so in love and- and Ulla just didn’t notice? What kind of excuse was that?

A noise pulled her from her thoughts, she looked up. Donella? In the flesh or- in the strange brain mist they were trapped in.

“Is it- is this really you?” Ulla whispered and felt whatever malice she had left drain from her. The other woman shrugged.   
“I could ask you the same.” Was this really the girl she said those words to? Or was this Ulla the one she was forced to lock away? Strange, how it felt like her consciousness was split. On one hand, she was here, on the other she could faintly sense her head in Hugo’s lap. Varian at his side. Good, the boys were alive. Though they should have gone a long time ago. Were the tears staining her cheeks her own, or just the feeling or Hugo’s?

A pained smile, empty eyes, Ulla felt herself attempting to hide again. She let the corners of her lips drop, let the regret show. “I’m so sorry, Donella- I’m-” She paused, cleared her throat, and stopped herself from walking forward, towards her. “Did you mean it? What you said back then?”

A pained smile, hurt eyes. “Does it matter anymore?”


	6. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern Au Donella is forced to confront the part of her past she's most terrified of, courtesy of her friend, Rapunzel

Glancing at the screen that she had previously tucked into the pocket of her black leather jacket, Donella sighed and glanced around from where she was parked on the side of the road. Her green eyes scanned the large home as she waited with one foot on the ground, stabilizing her motorcycle. ‘That’s funny, she’s usually always on time.’ Donella thought to herself as she glanced at the phone again.

Coffee? 

8am?

Sure. I’ll drive.

She shook her head and pushed away the thought that the blonde girl was standing her up. Donella had no reason to think this, no reason that her friend, were they, friends? Maybe not? But she still had no reason to think that Rapunzel wouldn’t show up to their little gathering. Especially since she was the one to suggest it.

She sucked in a quiet breath and let out a sigh of relief as the door opened and the shorter woman hurried out the door. Donella waited until she was a few feet from where she was standing before throwing the woman her helmet. It was a deep purple color with a pink flower on the side, Rapunzel had painted it herself.

“About time.” 

Her voice was a grumble but Rapunzel could see the eagerness and relief in her eyes.

“Sorry,” she shrugged and put on the helmet. Donella was always insistent that everyone wore the proper protection while riding. For some reason that was surprising to everyone else. The first time Rapunzel had asked why, well the older woman had simply stared into the reflection of her own olive green helmet with a dark gray stripe. Like she was looking at something in the far off distance. She hadn’t answered the question, just grumbled something in response like usual. “I was trying to arrange something.”

Donella raised an eyebrow but didn’t pry. The girl was always trying to organize some sort of charity event or gathering, it was commendable.

“Just hop on. I need my coffee.” Donella grumbled under her breath and shoved her helmet on quickly. She waited until Rapunzel was situated behind her with her arms around Donella’s waist. The first time she did this Donella had snapped at her, now she just nodded and kicked off the ground.

Rapunzel’s arms tightened slightly as they sped down the road on the black motorcycle with green lightning detailing, courtesy of Hector. Donella didn’t seem to mind the tightness, how her friend would press against her as they got onto the highway. While driving she’d be able to feel the clamminess of Rapunzel’s hands and the press of a helmet between her shoulder blades. She always wondered why, why did Rapunzel always ride with her when Donella knew it made her anxious? She never asked, but if she did the answer would have been that Rapunzel saw how much Donella enjoyed it and she wanted to share in that moment. Like friends do.

The motorcycle came to a stop parked between two cars a block or so from the coffee shop. She took off her helmet and fixed her hair so that it was covering her right cheek. More specifically the scars on her right cheek. She glanced over to watch as Rapunzel removed her helmet as well, and then pulled out her phone to send a text. That was, odd. Usually, Rapunzel was never on her phone during these coffee dates. Was she sick of her? Complaining to someone about how she was getting coffee with this, this weirdo? Donella shook her head, she was being crazy. Rapunzel wouldn’t, she. Well, Donella could possibly consider the possibility that Rapunzel may like her. Or not hate her at least.

Hitting the message icon on her phone with a quick tap, Rapunzel made sure that Donella couldn’t see her phone screen.

You know, once she realizes you tricked her with coffee, 

she’ll probably never trust you again

I’m willing to risk it! She needs you U

If you say so... 

Text me when you’re here

Rapunzel quickly typed out a message. ‘We’re here! Fingers crossed. She doesn’t suspect anything yet.’ Surprisingly she got an immediate text back, Ulla was always a fast responder. ‘How’s her mood?’

Glancing over at the taller woman as she looks down at her own phone, swiping through social media with lips pulled into a tight frown, Rapunzel’s thumbs typed out their message. ‘Grumpy but not any more than usual.’ She tucked the phone away before gently nudging Donella’s upper arm with her shoulder. The woman tucked her phone into her back pocket and straightened up. Rapunzel was relieved that Donella never asked or really spoke about what she was doing, that way she wouldn’t have to lie to her about who she was texting.

“Any exciting clients recently?” Rapunzel asked like they didn’t already talk on a daily basis. Donella shrugged before rattling off some of the more interesting tattoo requests she had gotten. The woman always spoke in a concise, matter of fact manner. This usually led to Rapunzel having to coax more details out of her, but that was part of the fun.

Her hand raised to turn the handle, green eyes looking inside the familiar shop, and doing a quick scan as the bell above the glass door chimed. “Hugo’s been asking ab-” Her voice caught in her throat. Blue eyes, round blue eyes, pretty blue eyes. She took a small step backward. The long honking of a car horn. The screeching of metal. The stabbing pain in her cheek. Her hand reached upwards and brushed upon the raised skin beneath her silvery gray hair on instinct. The fear in her eyes and face evident.

“Punz, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t need coffee.” She muttered softly, almost robotically as she tried to turn but then a hand was on her wrist. Donella’s eyes widened. ‘Donnie please!’. She shook her head to get the pleas out of her mind as Rapunzel’s green eyes stared up at her, naively cheery.

“Don’t lie to me, Donella. You always want coffee.” She noticed, noticed how Rapunzel’s green eyes would dart away, across the coffee shop, towards her. And that’s when the dots in her mind began to connect and the picture began to form. Donella shook her hand out of Rapunzel’s grasp quickly but didn’t walk away. Her eyes narrowed into a glare, a glare that made a small shiver run up the blonde’s spine. “You set this up, didn’t you?”

Her words were barely a whisper, a hissed out growl between clenched teeth. Rapunzel nodded, why did she feel terrified? Donella saw the fear in her eyes, the fear. Her friend, well, Rapunzel. Rapunzel feared her. Stepping back towards the door, her hand reached back as the red-haired woman who was sitting at the table got up and started towards them. No, No, No. Tires skid. Metal bent. Flesh tore.

Ulla was carrying a tray with three drinks on them, an iced black coffee for Donella. She had smiled while ordering that one, some things never changed. A latte for herself and hot chocolate of all things for Rapunzel. Donella must have given her a hard time on that drink choice.

“No- Make her stop. I’m not-” Donella stuttered out. Donella never stuttered. She turned on her heel, nearly running into the glass door she was moving so quickly and hurried out with Rapunzel chasing after her. The girl only caught up when Donella stopped at her motorcycle to breathe and put on her helmet. All while trying to avoid looking into the reflective surface.

“Donella, please! She wants to-”

“I don’t care what she wants! Her wants are none of my business anymore!” Donella snapped and huffed, turning away. This is what she got for opening up. “I should have never told you about her!”

Sure she hadn’t really told Rapunzel anything, but still. This is what happened, Donella confided in her, she trusted her, and it got thrown back in her face.

The helmet was almost over her head when that familiar voice made her freeze dead in her tracks.

“Donnie?” Ulla’s voice was quiet as she handed Rapunzel the tray with the drinks and stopped a few feet from the woman she once knew, the friend she once had. The gray-haired woman stared straight ahead into the street. Her cheek burned.

“It’s Donella to you.” She muttered quietly, bitterly, but tucked the helmet underneath her arm. Ulla guessed that was good, at least she wasn’t speeding away like all those years ago.

“I just want to talk, Donella.” The name felt strange on her tongue, it felt too long, too serious, too formal, too distant. The taller woman didn’t turn to look at her, and one of her hands balled into a fist.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Stubborn. She was so stubborn. Maybe that was why she never had many friends. Two, she had two. Both betraying her in some way.

“Donella, please. Just this once.” Rapunzel piped up and winced as Donella turned her head sharply to glare straight at her. She shrunk away but watched as her friend took in a deep breath and eventually nodded stiffly.

“Fine.” She grumbled and walked over, angrily taking the iced coffee from the tray because it was free coffee. She was not going to go into this without coffee.

Walking down the street towards a local park where Rapunzel and she often picnicked, Donella trailed closer to the street to put as much distance between her and Ulla as possible. “So how’d you two meet?”

She grumbled as a weak attempt at making small talk, an attempt to keep the conversation away from all the gross touchy-feely stuff. Donella wasn’t in the mood to talk about her emotions, she hadn’t been in the mood to talk about them for over sixteen years. 

Ulla perked up at this because Donella was actually talking to her. She was talking to her again for the first time in years. “Oh well, Rapunzel came to one of my lectures.”

“Yeah, I wanted to learn more about all that alchemy stuff you loved to talk about and I found Ulla online.”

Rapunzel smiled and tried to gauge Donella’s expression, it was colder than usual. Donella walked with her left side facing the two, her right towards the street with her scars.

“Right. You still teach?” That was a stupid question, but it was a distant question.

“You don’t?” For some reason, her tone set something off in Donella. A nearly smug response from the lips of the woman, like she didn’t know. Like she didn’t know what happened., Turning her head sharply but avoiding her eyes, her green ones spat venom and malice.

“Yeah, I don’t. Turns out no one can focus when their professor’s face is all fucked up!” Rapunzel actually put her hands on Donella’s shoulders to keep her away as the woman leaned towards Ulla. One of Donella’s hands was raised and pointing at the woman accusingly. It wasn’t Ulla’s fault that she was ugly, well more ugly than before. Donella knew it wasn’t her fault, so then why, why was she still so angry?

“Get your hands off me!” Donella shook Rapunzel off and walked faster than her shorter counterparts towards the park.

“This could be going better.” Rapunzel muttered as she watched her storm off.

Ulla shrugged and glanced down at her phone. “Just be glad she hasn’t driven off already.” She quipped before hurrying to catch up to the woman who had sat down on the park bench with her arms crossed, fuming.

Rapunzel hurried up and sat down between them as Donella slouched and leaned away from the two into the armrest.

“Donni- Donella. I’m sorry that’s not what I meant-”

The woman lifted her head and Ulla was taken aback by the sadness she could see underneath the veil of rage. Donella’s eyes looked over her shoulder.

“It’s not what you meant, it's what you did! What you- what you said!” For some reason, Rapunzel and Ulla both knew that Donella wasn’t referencing the slightly teasing tone Ulla had used when asking ‘you don’t’. The scars upon her cheek stretched a bit as she gritted her teeth and sat up.

Ulla stared down in her lap and sighed, shaking her head sadly. “I’m sorry. I messed up.”

“Oh, what are you sorry about?” Her tone was so sarcastic that it made Rapunzel wince, and she wasn’t even the target. The girl had never heard this much malice come from Donella, and that was saying a lot. Her words bounced to the cadence of a mocking laugh. “Sorry about trying to abandon your family, or sorry about telling me that I have no one?”

“Bo-both, all of it. Everything.” Ulla looked up and reached over, trying to take Donella’s hand but the woman just pulled hers away hastily. She shifted, trying to look into those green eyes that were hidden by a veil of gray hair. Was it just her, or were they shinier than usual? Glossier? “I messed up. I- I lost control and I said things that were out of line. And I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

Donella sucked in a deep breath to ensure that her voice wouldn’t shake while she spoke. She wasn’t going to appear weak, not now. “Did you really mean them?” She asked softly and cleared her throat because her voice sounded timid and shaky and all those terrible things she was feeling but didn’t want others to know about. Suddenly the walls of anger she had built were crashing down, and all that was left was her hurt. “When you said it. They had to come from somewhere, so did you mean them?” They had to come from truth.

There was a little pause and Donella nodded. She got the answer she thought she would. Standing up without a word, she turned and started to leave with her arms crossed, holding herself. Trying to hold herself together, trying to hold the broken pieces together, trying to appear whole when the cracked pieces were crumbling. Her hand tightened on the cup, feeling the freezing cold sensation.

The clean smell of a hospital room. The subtle beeping of a monitor. The pain in her cheek. She wished she hadn’t woken up.

Before Rapunzel could say anything Ulla was already bounding up and towards her. The red-haired woman wasn’t thinking about anything besides the fact that her former best friend, the person she still considered her best friend, was trying to slip away from her again. And she wasn’t going to let her fall through the cracks this time. She shouldn’t have last time. There were a lot of things she should have done back then, and shouldn’t have. Rapunzel looked away and pulled out her phone, not wanting to intrude.

Ulla left her drink on the armrest of the bench and ran up to Donella before she could get away. Without thinking, seriously without thinking, Her arms wrapped around the woman’s waist and cheek rested upon her back between her shoulder blades.

“Please don’t go yet! Please!” To her surprise, Donella stopped, and there wasn’t any fighting, no yelling or pushing. They just stood there, Donella looked down and closed her eyes, letting her hair fall into her face. “The days I waited for you in the hospital, to know if you were alive were the longest days of my life.”

Donella’s bottom lip trembled, she squeezed her eyes shut tighter and gritted her teeth but the words came out anyway. The words she never told anyone, somehow Ulla had her ways of getting them out of her. “I wish I died then.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I was alone. I had nothing left, I wanted to. And then the nurse said you were in the waiting room. And I didn’t want to believe it.” Her words choked in her throat and she swallowed hard. “Because- because I didn’t want anything to hold onto anymore. When you told me I had nobody, well. I just- It was liberating. It was easier to be alone.”

Her entire body shuttered as the words escaped her, Ulla felt tears welling up but she blinked them away. Her heart was breaking in her chest, absolutely breaking as she listened to the damage she had caused. 

“You don’t have nobody.” It was a double negative but that was beside the point. “You always have me, and you always had me. And I-” Now it was her turn to reveal something that she wasn’t exactly proud of. “I didn’t mean what I said. But at that moment I wanted to make you feel as much pain as I did when you said you wanted to leave without me. And I know you were just trying to do what was best for me but I was stupid. What else is new?” 

A sad smile pulled on to her lips as she shrugged. Her voice was breaking, the tears were welling up again but she didn’t care. “And I didn’t listen and I wanted to make you hurt. So I said the meanest thing I could come up with because I was just so mad that you wanted to leave me. And I wanted you to feel the same way. And that’s terrible and I’m ashamed to admit it but it’s the truth. And the truth is that I’m a terrible person who hurt you.”

Donella blinked, her lips almost wanted to pull into a smile. Some things never changed, like how wordy Ulla was. Her hand drifted from where it was underneath her arm and rested upon Ulla’s at her waist.

“And the truth is that I’m a terrible person who held a grudge for over sixteen years and was a jackass to the one person I cared about.” She muttered, her tone light almost like she was joking. “I guess that makes us both terrible people.” That was just Donella’s humor, and Ulla recognized that. She always did. 

“But I feel less terrible when I’m around you,” Ulla mumbled that into the back of Donella’s jacket. When she felt the woman start to turn her face lifted so that she was looking up at her, and for the first time in many many years, Donella’s gaze was on her.

Donella stared into those blue eyes and her breath caught in her throat. 

A pain in her cheek. Late nights spent nearly deliriously giddy. Laughing so hard that they could barely breathe. A hand in her own, fingers intertwined.

“Can we start again? Please? You don’t have to say yes.” Ulla hesitated as she reached up and rested her hand upon the scars. Donella instinctively winced and pulled away before leaning back into her touch, the only time someone else had touched her scars, her face, in years. Since the accident.

“I’d like that.” The words fell from her lips faster than she could think about them, she was glad that they did. If she thought then, well then she probably wouldn't have said them at all. She would have called them irrational, and they were. But they were irrationally hopeful and longing and wistful. They made her heart pound faster and the blood rush to her face and ears. The smile that greeted her made Donella’s stomach flip in a good way, she almost smiled back.

Ulla let out a quiet laugh and stood on her toes so that they were more eye level, her other hand resting upon Donella’s shoulder for stability but also the added touch. “Good, I missed you.”

That was it, there was that tiny smile that pulled its way onto Donella’s lips. She shook her head and closed her eyes like she was trying to distract Ulla from her joy by acting exasperated. Some things never changed. “I missed you too.”

How long had they just been standing there staring? Donella wasn’t sure but her hands had found their way around Ulla’s waist and pulled her closer, she missed this closeness, their closeness. And for once, she wasn’t terrified of feeling vulnerable. Ulla made her braver, Ulla was the reason she wasn’t afraid. Ironically also the reason she was afraid in the first place.

“You know what else I’ve missed?” Ulla whispered and tilted her head to the side, timidly moving her thumb along Donella’s scar. But the woman had stiffened up a bit and Ulla stopped, tracing her cheekbone instead. She’d learn restraint for Donella. Just like how Donella would learn to be open and trusting for her. They would make each other not so terrible.

“What?” Donella raised an eyebrow subtly. She was never sure what to expect from Ulla. But what she absolutely did not expect was how the woman, even standing on her toes, had to pull her neck down slightly in order to press their lips together. For some reason unknown to Donella herself, she didn’t resist the motion. Like she knew what was coming but was too scared to hope.

Well, she didn’t have to hope because there they were, and Ulla’s eyes were closed and slowly Donella felt safe enough to close hers too. And they just held each other, and their noses rubbed together and it was awkward and strange and wonderful and she didn’t realize how much she wanted, no needed, this until she was completely wrapped up in the moment.

Rapunzel took a sip of her hot chocolate before setting down her phone after receiving a text from Eugene and responding.

Hey, how’s it going with ol’ grumpy?

I’m actually not sure, let me check.

The girl glanced up at the two before turning back to her phone and typing out a message ‘I think it’s going pretty well’ before returning to her scrolling.

Eventually, they had to pull apart to breathe, both panting and it was clear that both were reluctant to pull away. Donella looked to be thinking and wrinkled her nose for a brief moment after.

“Wait, I don’t remember doing that before. And I would remember.” She stared down at Ulla and once again raised a questioning eyebrow. “How could you have missed this if we’ve nev-”

“Shush, Donnie.” Ulla pressed a finger to her lips and Donella didn’t object. Though that wasn’t really the thing she wanted against her mouth at the moment. “I was trying to be sweet and do a cute transition, okay?”

A soft chuckle left her lips. Yes, an actual laugh. It felt good to laugh again. “You were never the best at those.”

Ulla shrugged and nodded in agreement. “You should help me out with them, then. Like you used to.”

“I shouldn’t have to if you actually learned something.” Grinning, Donella looked over at where her friend was sitting on the bench, and she nodded.

“Hey!’ Ulla punched her shoulder in mock offense. It was nice to have Donella teasing her again. It was nice to have Donella again. And now, maybe there was a chance for something more than again. Though she’d wait to ask since Donella was already walking off towards Rapunzel. Ulla had already spent over sixteen years waiting, she could wait a little more. She would wait as long as she needed to for Donella.


	7. The Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all went wrong

"This is it Donnie," The portal created a slight breeze in the air around their feet as the room lit up with a teal glow. Donella glanced down at her research partner, no her friend, and her lips pulled into a rare grin. After months of trials and travel and too many sleepless nights and near-death experiences, they had done it. She had done it, she had given Ulla the adventure of a lifetime, the achievement of a lifetime. Hopefully, it was enough to get her to stay.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Always the one to hold Ulla back from diving headfirst into danger, Donella put a hand in front of her to keep her back. Ulla glanced at her for a moment before huffing and taking her hand, interlacing their fingers before rushing forwards. They passed through the portal, despite Donella's loud protests and cautions.

Her boots scuffed on the cracked bricks as she stumbled through, nearly tripping over Ulla as she had stopped dead in her tracks. "Well, if you were so eager to rush in why are you..." Her scolding died off as green eyes gazed upon the library. Scrolls and books floated through the air, levitated by something as untainted as pure magic. Huge shelves of books towered just a few yards in front of the two, not dusty despite the decades of time since someone had set foot in the dimension.

Donella glanced to her side, a frequent habit whenever Ulla was there, and her hand pushed the woman's chin up and mouth closed. "Don't want you swallowing some Eternal moth." She muttered and walked forwards, their hands still linked together in a way so natural it felt like they were meant to be this way. Like their hands were made for this.

Ulla scoffed but hurried up to keep the pace, reaching out and grabbing a book from the air as it floated by. She opened it with one hand while the thumb of her other gently ran over Donella's knuckles. Donella's finger twitched in response and maybe it was just Ulla's imagination but it felt like Don had squeezed for a fleeting moment. She yelped when Donella pulled her along rather roughly after she had stopped. "What's the rush, Don? We have all the time in the world!"

She giggled and glanced down at the pages. They would have all the time in the world to learn, to gain this knowledge, this power. They would have all the time in the world to take this knowledge, and then they would have the ability to use it. Only they would, only they could be trusted with this. This was going to change everything.

"I just want to make sure everything's safe. You can never be too careful." She grabbed the book from Ulla's hand roughly, flipping through the pages. Barrier and entrapment spells, whatever. Letting the book go, it floated back into the air and continued on its travels.

"I know I know," Ulla groaned in response and tried to reach out for the book, but Donella was already dragging her to a different part of the Library within the shelves. She whined and tugged on her hand briefly before Donella stopped and turned to look at her.

Green eyes stared into blue, and maybe for a second Donella could convince herself everything would be okay. Was it... odd that just looking into those eyes could calm her pounding heart? She didn't even like the color blue, but she liked the color of her eyes. "You can't trust anything you see."

"You mean everything." Ulla corrected as she leaned over, their faces inches apart as Donella leaned in to inspect the shelves. She side glanced and narrowed her eyes for a moment. "Did I stutter?"

"So you don't trust me?" Obviously, Ulla was only teasing but her voice cracked in the most convincing way and her eyes widened and- was she tearing up? Donella was taken aback and stammered over herself before clearing her throat. "Of course I trust you."

Sighing heavily, maybe she was being too cautious. After all, if there was such detail about the dangers of each trial, surely they would have mentioned it if something deadly was in the Library. So, Donella dropped their hands. "Fine, go have your fun." 

She shrugged as Ulla grinned and pulled her into a quick embrace, pinning her arms to the side so she couldn't push her away, not that she wanted to. The woman ran off and Donella sighed to herself. They had all the time in the world, huh?

Walking through the seemingly endless paths lined with shelves, Ulla smiled to herself. The woman took a few books from their places and flipped through them before leaving them behind her. Donella was always the one more insistent on order anyway. A few hours passed as the two explored the fruits of their labor, Ulla found herself lost in the caverns of offensive magic, flipping through all the pages of a book about dangerous and deadly attacks. Looking up at the wall, her eyes hardened. This knowledge was too valuable, too important, too risky to let fall into the wrong hands. Her thoughts dissipated as she heard a voice calling to her. 

"Ulla! Meet me at the portal!" She hopped up quickly and that smile was back on her face, A little too wide and her eyes a little too excited as she ran over to where Donella was standing with her hands on her hips. "Come on and help me review the map to this place."

The woman replied and showed her the detailed drawing she had been making, marking exactly how to reach the portal. Ulla wrinkled her nose and stood by the shelves, not wanting to leave this behind, not wanting it to be tainted by greed and mal intent. Donella would understand, Donella knew you couldn't trust just anyone.

"What are you standing there for?" Her tone was gruff as Donella looked over her map, Ulla hesitated. Strange. "Well, I hope you aren't this way when teaching students," She huffed and rolled her eyes, "you're supposed to be the one who can't stop talking."

Ulla didn't respond, Donella frowned and stood up, cautiously walking over to her and leaving the map where their supplies were by the portal. "About that-" The red-haired woman replied and glanced up into those green eyes. Green eyes that always let her knew exactly what Donella was feeling, even if the rest of her face was set in stone. And what did she see in them this time? Suspicion, doubt, maybe even a tinge of fear? No, Donella didn't fear her. She didn't.

"I was thinking we keep this between you and me." She eventually replied and rubbed the back of her neck, watching as Donella's eyes widened and she looked. She looked like she was against it. No, Donella looked like she was against her.

"Wh- are you insane?" Donella snapped, her tone accidentally raising. But how could it not? This was her chance to prove to Ulla that she could provide her with something no one else could, her change to show Ulla that she could be useful enough to stay with her. And she was- was she ashamed? Why did she want to keep this a secret? Was this not everything she hoped it would be? "Think of all the knowledge in this place! Don't you think it should be shared? Think of the difference it will make! The- the difference we will make."

No, this wasn't really happening, right? How could Donella not understand? How could Donella trust those people? How could Donella not be on her side? “Knowledge is power! And power is exploited in the wrong hands. We have to keep it safe!” Ulla’s eyes hardened, her jaw locked, her eyes narrowed and her smile was gone.“Knowledge is power, Donnie, and with this Library, we will know all. We will have the power to shape the world, we will keep it in the right hands! What do you say?”

Blinking, memories flooded forwards. The late-night mutterings, how Ulla seemed to drift off into her thoughts, how her blue eyes would have a glint of something darker within them. Her eyes darted to the floor before lifting, and she couldn't recognize the woman staring back at her. And she couldn't recognize the friend she once trusted. Her voice was a low growl. “I think it’s already fallen into the wrong hands.”

A laugh escaped Ulla's lips, but it was hollow and empty and just- not her. A glaze fell over her eyes as her fingers twitched slightly, her head lolling to one side before straightening as she took a step back towards the library. "What are you- what are you saying, Donnie?"

"Don't call me that!" Donella snapped, keeping a close eye on Ulla's hands. She didn't think that Ulla would- she knew that Ulla wouldn't attack her. But this person in front of her was different. She was slipping, had slipped. She had slipped and Donella didn't catch her, and now she was in this mess, and now she was alone. "Ulla, think about what we've worked for, are you really throwing it all away?"

"I'm not throwing anything away! You're- you're the one who's giving up everything we had." Her voice was a screech as she looked away, blinking back tears. How could she? How could she turn against her, how could Donella speak to her like she was a monster? She wasn't a monster, she wasn't in the wrong. She wasn't wrong. "You're the one who turned against me!"

"What! I-" Her protests stopped, she took in a breath. Her fists unclenched and she could feel tiny half-circle indentations in her palms. Maybe she did turn against Ulla, she certainly let her down. Donella, she was the one who was supposed to keep Ulla level, keep her head out of the clouds, and maybe she only let her run free to make her happy but intentions didn't matter. She always had good intentions, but it seemed like someone like her just couldn't do good. She could never be someone good, someone like Ulla. "Fine, maybe I did.

Those four words were all she needed, the confirmation she was looking for. Her hands clenched into fists before she rolled her neck and lifted a hand. "I'm sorry it has to end like this, Donella." Tiny blue crystals with razor-sharp edges that reflected the natural light of the library formulated out of thin air, hovering in the air around Ulla. Power coursed through her veins, her thoughts refused to rest, she gritted her teeth.

"I'm sorry too."

It was a split second moment, instinct if you will, when Donella raised her arms and a hazy green shield appeared in front of her. It crackled under the rain of gems, shattering against the surface and littering the floor. She was pushed back, her boots slid on the brick but there was no one to lean on this time around. Looking up, she faltered and took a step back.

The thing in front of her looked barely human, she didn't know what it was as Ulla floated above the ground. A wide smile stretched onto her lips that was sickeningly sweet, eyes were empty and there was none of the former warmth and love like when Donella used to stare into them. They were different. In her hesitation, a large mean of power manifested and was released towards her with rapid speed. Her hand lifted but timing failed her as the blast made contact and she was swept off her feet. At the edges of the blue light, it seemed like gemstones were forming rapidly and disappearing into nothingness to fuel the energy.

Her back slammed into the far wall, the breath knocked out of her as she slid down and landed with a thump on the floor. Donella lifted her head, her hair was messy, her body ached, she was tired. So tired of trying, so tired of failing, just so tired of being her. "Ulla, I can't hurt you-"

"You already have, Don. Now get ready to pay the price." She was a coward for not fighting back, for not answering for her words. Ulla wasn't at fault, she wasn't. This was all because of Donella. She was doing the right thing, of course she was, she was Ulla. She wasn't wrong.

Her hand lifted, two razor-sharp gems lifted into the air, her eyes narrowed and her hand dropped to fling them forwards. Her eyes looked up and in those green ones she saw fear. And like a rock in her stomach the feeling dropped. Donella feared her. At the last moment she brought the gems off their course, she forced them away. They should have met the wall, so why was the air suddenly filled with screams?

Her hand lifted, pressed against her cheek as the stinging pain. Tears were welling in her eyes and she didn't realize she was screaming until her throat grew hoarse and her voice gave out. When she blinked the tears mixed with the blood and the salt further stung the wound. She gritted her teeth to keep her cries inside but doing so pulled at the skin around her jaw and further opened the gashes. And that's when it sunk in that Ulla was prepared to kill her, that Ulla was- that Donella was worthless to her.

Her other hand lifted shakily, what was that spell again? That spell to temporarily contain someone. What was it again? She blinked away the tears to see clearly, blood running down her neck and through her fingers as she pushed against the pain. Power coursed through her veins, escaping out of her right fingertips.

A few moments after the scream and Ulla blinked away the fog over her eyes, the light around her dimmed and she started to descend, her feet just touching the ground. Green eyes met blue, and there was a moment of clarity, but it was too late. 

No- the magic contorted. Maybe it was the wrong spell, maybe it was the incorrect usage, maybe it was simply because she was inadequate and incapable. But whatever it was, one thing was for certain. It was a mistake.

"No! Wai-" Her regrets were cut off by a scream. A different kind of pain ripped through her, throwing her to the floor as a loud bolt of electricity escaped from her fingertips, the energy flew forwards, solidifying inches before Ulla's grief-stricken face and forming the hazy blue barrier.

"Donnie!" Her gaze rested on the hunched over woman struggling to her knees, she saw the blood seeping out from her fingers. What has she done? Ulla rushed forwards despite Donella's words of "I'm fine, I'm fine". She rushed forward because Donella wasn't fine, and it was all her fault, but she could heal her. She could heal her with her mag-

Blinking, she took a step back and looked up at the shield. It- it was permanent. Ulla blinked as her life flashed before her eyes, the life Donella promised that she could go back to. And her eyes hardened in anger once again as her own arm raised. The barrier pulsated with a blue light centered around Ulla's hand. Donella scrambled to her feet and rushed forwards, reaching out and ready to apologize and stay with her. She was ready to stay with her until they figured out how to break the spell, how to fix her mistake.

But her hand was blocked before she could reach Ulla. And her body slammed into the wall. Her eyes widened, her jaw fell slack and she could feel the area of damaged skin beneath her fingertips. Ulla pressed a hand against the barrier, a watery whisper leaving her lips. "Are you really betraying me, Don?"

Donella's eyes hardened, she looked away and turned her head. "That's funny, who's betraying who?"

Her eyes hardened as the tears started to fall harder, faster. This was what happened when she trusted someone, this was what happened when she let someone in, this is what happened when she tried to pretend that she wasn't destined to be alone. Donella turned on her heel to hide her pathetic grief over someone who would never be happy with just her, but still she allowed herself to try and dream. To try and fight for her, well now look what happened, look at what Donella did to her. This was what happened when someone tried to show her kindness, when someone thought they saw good in her.

"Don! Donnie please!" Ulla hit her hands against the barrier and choked back sobs even though they both knew it was no use. It was no use to try and take back a corrupted spell. It was no use to try and get Donella to stay when Ulla wasn't even sure what she wanted. She was furious, she was furious at Donella for turning against her, for causing this to happen. But at the same time she wanted her to stay, she needed her to stay. "Please don't leave me!"

But her words were falling onto deaf ears as Donella only picked up the pace. She did this to Ulla, she did this to her. She was the one wanting to go on this quest, to try and prove herself to Ulla. She was the reason, she was her killer, she was the traitor. And to the world, Ulla was dead, better dead than the truth. Picking up their bags, she didn't allow herself the catharsis of looking back, couldn't bear to see those blue eyes again. She didn't deserve to feel that sense of relief again. And Donella walked through the portal, destroying the machine behind her.

The pieces of the machine lay at her feet, covered with bloodied handprints as she wiped her face on her sleeve. Her hands took the map she had drawn, and ripped the page in hand, crumpling them in her hands and tossing them aside. Donella took a breath and opened her eyes, they were cold and unfeeling and empty. She looked down at her hands and her vision blurred, no more magic. Not even magic to heal. She'd live with the scars, she'd live with the rumors. She'd survive but not live, because although neither were truly dead, their former partnership was. And that partnership was all Donella really had left to live for. 


End file.
